BDSM – A brief intro for when this topic surfaces again

I was first introduced into the BDSM lifestyle when I was 18 (I will be 31 in a few days).  I have phased in and out of it throughout my life depending on relationships and free time. After having a complete psychological melt down and recovering from that a few years back I decided that the BDSM lifestyle was a pretty heavy part and I would slowly start sliding into it again…. Slowly didn’t happen I bounced in and rolled with guns blazing.  Somehow along that journey I found myself a board member of a local dungeon (if you are in the Oklahoma City area and are interested in more let me know we can talk).

Because I am a board I try to get new people to come to the dungeon. Now I am a heavy believer in screening people pretty strongly before dragging them in. We have a very safe and fun environment and I would like to keep it that way. Yet with a lot of the people I talk to I find myself answering the same questions and correcting some of the more outlandish misconceptions.

Well it’s a big orgy fest, or “Are there people having sex everywhere?” No. While a lot of BDSM does have sex or sexual like acts there is just as much that does not. I can tell you that the majority of scenes that end do not end with sex. The core element of BDSM is not about sex. It is about power exchange.  It is about a give and take. Does not matter if that give and take is just for the one scene or if that exchange is for a lifetime. Power and releasing of it is the core drive. I average five scenes every play party and I can tell you none of them end in sex. Exception of this is if I scene on my fiancée which majority of time ends in sex, but that’s in a room designated for that and not on the dungeon floor.

It is all about pain/beating/bondage. No. While my key fetishes are blood and knives my bag has stuff for sensation play, bondage, electric (from painful to tickling), floggers, canes, paddles, wax, fire play, fire cups, and who knows what else I will pull out. Yet there are also the D/s side of things.

Domination and submission. You don’t have to have the sadism and masochism. You don’t have to have the bondage. All you might have is just that power exchange. Where someone controls the other and the other serves. This is a willing contract and, if done correctly, brings fulfillment to the lives of both people. It’s not for everyone but this life style as a whole is not for everyone.

If I go I will have to play. No. A lot of new people just lurk at the edges of things. They hide out and watch for sometime before finally experiencing anything. You are not obligated to play. If someone harasses you than you report them to a DM (dungeon monitor). They are supposed to be safe environments of personal expression.

It is illegal and I can get arrested. This one is tricky. It depends on where in the world you live. In the USA it can depend on the city limits you live in. I sat in an entire class on the legality of BDSM and really the majority of it depends on consent. Consenting adults. A police officer may arrest you and the best thing you can do is not speak or talk about anything. Don’t agree to anything. Really as long as everyone is completely consenting than it is legal in most places.

I do not know if my faith will allow it, but I want to try. This one amuses me to no end. I’ve seen 60 year old “grandmotherly” types in a dungeon that go to church regularly. I’ve talked to Muslims that are in the lifestyle. You have people that are Wiccan, Pagan, Atheist, Hindi, Catholic, etc etc etc. It really is just about how you insert it into your life and making it work with your beliefs.

I don’t have toys so I can’t play. This really depends on the dungeon. But most of the time there is always someone willing to let you try things. We have lots of people in the one I work at that are happy to let you play with things and coach you on them.

In essence the BDSM lifestyle is what you make of it. It is a varied and beautiful world that has a bad reputation. If you have any questions feel free to ask. In weeks and months to come I will be transferring some blog posts on more specific BDSM topics that I’ve written elsewhere.

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BDSM – A brief intro for when this topic surfaces again

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