Just feeling sad and journaling about some of my feelings.

Was in bed with my fiancee trying to nap, we have a long night ahead of us, but no matter how exhausted I am I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned and finally just had to crawl out of bed and come downstairs. I feel utterly alone.

I feel so alone that my body aches from it. Ironically is I have more friends that truly care than I ever have had. So many people that would be willing to sit and talk and listen, but I’m tired of the sitting and listening. I’m tired of me sacrificing myself.

The question of “When is it my turn?” continued to selfishly ring through my head. Followed just as selfishly by “When is what I want important?” The answer is never to both of these. I’m designed over and over again to sacrifice myself to dust for those that I care about. I’m just tired of the person putting out the efforts so that everyone else get what they want. And I’m not talking about things. I’m talking about experiences, emotions, etc.

I don’t know. Days like today make me wonder about a lot of decisions I’ve made in my life.


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